Change

So, it has been way too long since I last blogged. My topic this evening and that has been on my mind lately is change. Immediately upon writing that word a song pops into my head (shocking I know): You know a change, change, would do you good, a change would do you good. Why am I thinking about change? Because my life is full of it.
In July, I moved across the hall into a single room because frankly, I wanted more privacy and a place to retreat to, instead it mostly became a place for me to hide out from the world and eat my feelings and emotions. I would come back from work, plop in front of the TV with whatever random food I had for dinner and sometimes do homework. That is where I would stay until I went to bed, without interacting with anyone except the people on my computer screen (an occasionally yelling at the TV). Needless to say, when school started I had come to a point of craving other people and when new students began to move in, I clung to them like they were the remedy to my new found addiction of loneliness and self-indulgence. However, that could only last so long. I am someone who needs time alone to refresh and re-energize and with all the people who had latched onto me as well, I began to feel smothered and longed to once again be able to retreat to my safe and secure crutch of food and solitude. However, even those were to be removed as food was now making me so sick I couldn't sleep or move and solitude was a thing of the past with the constant stream of people wanting to hang out with me and be with me (even if only for the cable). So I began to search for a happy medium. With a new confidence from my shorter hair and an idea that was coming to fruition, I realized that in order to have solitude and yet fellowship, I needed to get away from my life on campus. Once it became sure that Bekah would be moving back to the area, we began a search for somewhere to live. Although there are things that make living on campus attractive, there are benefits to being at a distance from the constant flow of people and having the ability to still have someone who will keep me from isolating myself. So, although my life is full of changes and others may wonder why, I can say that for myself, a change truly will do me good.

Beauty from Pain

Lyrics by Superchic(k)

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

[Chorus]
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Chorus

Here and I am at the end of me(at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

*This song has been really powerful for me lately. There are so many things in our lives that cause us pain. Things we just don't quite understand and yet in the midst of everything we have hope because God has promised to not give us more than we can handle and that he will never leave us. Praise God for the ashes and the pain!

Firsts

Today was a day of firsts. So below I have put a list of the things that I either did or saw for the first time today!

15. Set off the alarm at Bekah's church
14. Went to Green River State Park
13. Went to Mayfield, KY
12. Saw 1 of the Pepsi factories
11. Saw a gray brick church in Harrodsburg, KY
10. Saw the "Bigger than normal" Walmart that was supposed to be built in Lebanon, TX
9. Went to Greensburg, KY ~ a beautiful historic town
8. Met the teens from Lebanon United Methodist Church
7. Witnessed Bekah getting carried through Kroger
6. Tested Bekah's seat belts...they work!
5. Had a delicious doughnut from The Lighthouse Bakery in Harrodsburg
4. Went to the most organized Walmart in the US
3. Ate at Rally's
2. Went to Campbellsville, KY
1. Saw where my underwear is made

Freedom

Freedom by Run Kid Run

"All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise the other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
And I'm ready for change

Broken down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream Father please
I need rescuing I need you and you alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for (change)

Still you patiently wait
Yet i won't just let go
I see you and you alone
Saying come follow me despair has come so you can see
Release

The time has come separation has lost the war to love
Take my hand grace has found you where you once began
Your alive You're alive in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love

There's only singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can become this freedom
And I'm ready for I'm ready for
Father please I need rescuing
I need you and you alone"

God is so amazing! He brings us freedom and release when we are finally free from our chains. I have recently been discovering how freeing it is when we are able to share our lives with one another. When we can finally say those things we've been holding inside and feel like there is now nothing we can tell one another. Thank God for freedom!